FATHER PASSING BY HIS SON'S BEDROOM
WAS ASTONISHED TO SEE THE BED WAS
NICELY MADE AND EVERYTHING WAS PICKED
UP.
THEN HE SAW AN ENVELOPE PROPPED UP
PROMINENTLY ON THE CENTER OF THE BED.
IT
WAS ADDRESSED, "DAD." WITH THE WORST
PREMONITION, HE OPENED THE ENVELOPE
AND READ THE LETTER WITH TREMBLING
HANDS:

DEAR DAD:
IT IS WITH GREAT REGRET AND SORROW
THAT I'M WRITING THIS. I HAD TO ELOPE
WITH MY NEW GIRLFRIEND BECAUSE I
WANTED TO AVOID A SCENE WITH MOM AND
YOU.
I'VE BEEN FINDING REAL PASSION WITH
BARBARA AND SHE IS SO NICE EVEN WITH
ALL
HER PIERCING, TATTOOS, AND HER TIGHT
MOTORCYCLE CLOTHES. BUT IT'S NOT ONLY
THE PASSION DAD, SHE'S PREGNANT AND
BARBARA SAID THAT WE WILL BE VERY
HAPPY
TOGETHER

EVEN THOUGH YOU WON'T CARE FOR HER,
AS SHE IS MUCH OLDER THAN I, SHE
ALREADY
OWNS A TRAILER IN THE WOODS AND HAS A
STACK OF FIREWOOD FOR THE WHOLE
WINTER. SHE WANTS TO HAVE MANY MORE
CHILDREN WITH ME AND THAT'S NOW ONE OF
MY DREAMS TOO.

BARBARA TAUGHT ME THAT MARIJUANA
DOESN'T REALLY HURT ANYONE AND WE'LL
BE
GROWING IT FOR OURSELVES AND TRADING
IT WITH HER FRIENDS FOR ALL THE COCAINE
AND ECSTASY WE WANT. IN THE MEANTIME,
WE'LL PRAY THAT SCIENCE WILL FIND A
CURE FOR AIDS SO BARBARA CAN GET
BETTER; SHE SURE DESERVES IT!!

DON'T WORRY DAD; I'M 15 YEARS OLD NOW
AND I KNOW HOW TO TAKE CARE OF MYSELF.
SOMEDAY I'M SURE WE'LL BE BACK TO VISIT
SO YOU CAN GET TO KNOW YOUR
GRANDCHILDREN .

YOUR SON,

Bill

P.S. DAD, NONE OF THIS IS TRUE. I'M OVER
AT THE NEIGHBOR'S HOUSE. I JUST
WANTED TO REMIND YOU THAT THERE ARE
WORSE THINGS IN LIFE THAN MY REPORT
CARD
THAT'S IN MY DESK, CENTER DRAWER. I
LOVE YOU!

CALL WHEN IT'S SAFE FOR ME TO COME
HOME.


-- Edited by baby_blue at 19:58, 2005-09-29